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shushu
Joined: 26 Feb 2019
Posts: 197
04 Mar 2019 04:00 |
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If I ever needed a brain transplant, Id choose a sportswriter because Id want a brain that had never been used.- Norm Van Brocklin When I was 13, I transferred to a new school for the first time. I had spent ten years from junior kindergarten through Grade 8 at the northwest corner of Bathurst Street and Viewmount Avenue in midtown Toronto. It was my home court advantage. I knew the roll of the rims and the carom of the walls and which teachers were lax at taking attendance. It couldnt last forever. At some point a promotion was coming, and my record setting minor league career wouldnt matter once new maths and makeup-laden girls challenged all that I had honed. I was heading to St. Andrews Junior High. Grade 9. The Show. Embarking on my first day in the wilds of the public school system, I knew I had to make my mark early. Mr. Pelech, my clever English teacher, noticed my t-shirt just minutes into the first class. It was a tattered, ink-drenched Grateful Dead concert tee. He remarked that "Grateful Dead" was an example of a contradiction. Contra what now? Coach tapped my shoulder and I hopped the boards. I proceeded to argue with a shellshocked Mr. Pelech for several minutes. My arguments were lithe, varied and completely illogical, but I had been trained to stand my ground no matter how ridiculous my position. Eventually, a hapless Mr. Pelech scanned the class and sputtered, "Just who is this guy?" Each one of my classmates shook their heads sheepishly as if to say uh, dont look at me. Mark made. Within two weeks I owned that school. They didnt realize the repressed explosiveness that ten years of private school Yiddish lessons would unleash. It is in this brazen spirit I introduce myself to you now, Dear Reader, as your new weekly columnist for Bardown. Why was I chosen as The One to guide you through the international sports landscape, particularly with so many scribes vying for your sports-saturated eyeballs? Commence the elucidation (AKA bring da noize): Basketball. This is my wheelhouse. I know all the lyrics to Kurtis Blows Basketball and I have for decades. I own a Sweet Georgia Brown-humming Harlem Globetrotters pinball machine from 1979. I still play pickup every week at a local high school against stiff competition in their very extremely late twenties. Also, I was an associate producer for the Toronto Towers of the NBA for nearly 500 games, post-games, pre-games and exactly five playoff games. Ooh, another thing, I call the Toronto Raptors the Toronto Towers because I have some self-respect. Baseball. I spent five teenage summers selling peanuts outside the Dome under the alias Mike Simmons. Despite a promising career as a sidearm Eephus pitch-throwing specialist, the leagues advanced scouts were never able to unravel the mysteries of my potential, because apparently throwing over the plate was a "prerequisite for success". Racists. I submit that using the All Star Game to decide home field advantage in the World Series is akin to the winner of the submission portion of Americas Funniest Home Videos determining the nominees for The Oscars Best Picture award. Also, you can thank me for getting the old Blue Jays logo back, as days after writing this piece, the marketing director for the Jays was following me on Twitter, and months later a new logo was born. Also, my therapist says I have something called a narcissistic personality disorder. Football. In 1998, I moved to Los Angeles to pursue the dream of being rich and famous which is why you know me so well today. That same year I became a fan of an upstart outfit known as the Baltimore Ravens because I thought Ray Lewis was almost definitely innocent of murder and I am obsessed with Edgar Allan Poe. Fifteen glorious seasons later I have two championship rings (made of foil and buttons) as my testament. I have correctly predicted, in pre-season, the Super Bowl participants for 13 consecutive years and I defy you to prove otherwise. (Note: Please dont reference my Twitter feed. Just be cool. This claim is all I have.) Hockey. I worked camera on the 2003 documentary A Day in the Life of the Maple Leafs so I know a thing or two about hockey. Well, exactly two things. One, when I was eight years old, my teenage neighbour convinced me his Mats Naslund rookie card could be mine for the extremely low price of my 1979 O-Pee-Chee Wayne Gurtski rookie card. (Note: I have forgotten how to spell that particular Edmonton Oilers name. At least my night terrors have subsided.) Two, I have developed an algorithm demonstrating the NHL to be the worst run league in the history of Industry. It involves a complicated geometric measurement involving my eyes and common sense. (A fact I will gladly prove over and over again until they, oh I dont know, realign the conferences to have an equal amount of teams. Lets start there.) Fantasy Sports. I Am Legend. In its heyday of 2001, my sprawling website, mikegallay.com, was a sports fantasy powerhouse boasting 16 writers covering all sports, catering to an audience of nearly 16 unique daily readers (and fans of ravines who misspelled mygulley.com). Chances are, if you were a Canadian sports fan in the early 2000s, you were reading articles about topics we also covered on mikegallay.com. The Professor And Mary Ann. I will happily cover all the secondary sports every time a participant either murders someone, is attacked by a spouse using the tools of their own sport, has sex on camera on TMZ, or breaks an important racial, cultural or gender barrier while also keeping our interest for more than eight minutes. Thats my pledge. Am I the precisely correct author to bring you whimsical, satirical, deadly accurate analysis of the sports that matter to you? Absolutely. And can I say that with total sincerity because part of my contract stipulates I have no editor? Two for two. Have I earned your attention to read my column next week? Lets put it this way. My topic will be 23 Ways to Make Over 7K a Week Working Part Time From Your Couch. My third column will be Bardown Seeks New Columnist, No Experience Required. Gallays Poll #1 What would you like to see Gallay write about in his next column? a) A 20,000-word essay conclusively proving Mike is the third Williams sister. b) Doug Gilmours Secret Recipes for 3am Snacks. c) My Weekend In The Hamptons With Barry Bonds. d) No column, just use this space to expand Badminton coverage. Discount Shoes Online . MLB.com reported that the Dodgers locked the left-hander in for one year at $10 million with up to $4 million in incentives. Cheap Shoes Free Shipping . Blatter, a 75-year-old Swiss executive who has been in office since 1998, was handed a final four-year term as head of footballs governing body in a vote at FIFAs congress. He won 186 votes out of 203 ballots. http://www.discountshoescheap.com/ . The 12th-ranked Haas served well throughout the match at the Ibirapuera arena, allowing only one break point to the 152nd-ranked Italian. Both players held serve until the first-set tiebreak, when Haas stepped up his game to easily clinch the set. Wholesale Fashion Shoes . PAUL, Minn. Cheap Shoes USA . -- What Anthony Jennings lacked in experience, LSU more than compensated for with a talented supporting cast in the Outback Bowl.CLEVELAND -- They found the open man. They made the extra pass. They moved the ball with stunning efficiency. The Spurs put on a basketball clinic. The Cavaliers couldnt stop it. Danny Green scored 24 points and San Antonio turned to its 3-point shooting to shake off a sluggish start in a 122-101 victory over Cleveland on Tuesday night. Kawhi Leonard added 18 points, and Patty Mills and Boris Diaw had 16 apiece as the Spurs, running their offence to near perfection, won their fourth straight. They did it with stars Tim Duncan and Tony Parker combining for just 14 points. And, the Spurs did it by racking up a season-high 39 assists on 43 field goals. In the second half, San Antonio had 24 assists on 25 field goals. "That doesnt happen very often," Spurs coach Gregg Popovich said. "Weve been doing that really well all year long, but thats a ridiculous ratio right there." San Antonio, chasing Oklahoma City for the best record in the Western Conference, made 14 of 33 3-pointers. The Spurs scored just 13 points in the first quarter and trailed by 12 early in the second before making six straight 3s. Kyrie Irving and Dion Waiters scored 24 each for the Cavs, who have lost nine straight to the Spurs. Spencer Hawes added 20 points and 13 rebounds for Cleveland. This wasnt as easy for the Spurs as their 30-point blowout of the Cavs in November, but it was close. With the trademark proficiency that has made it a model franchise, San Antonio turned a competitive game for nearly three quarters into a laugher. The always demanding Popovich had little to gripe about afterward. "Were always trying to move the ball, good to great," he said. "Penetrate for a teammate, not necessarily for yourself. We did a really good job of it tonight. Sometimes you get an A-plus, sometimes you get an A-minus. Tonight was an A-plus in that regard." San Antonio started just 1 of 7 on 3-pointers, but the NBAs best 3-point shooting team made 12 of its next 18 to open a 17-point lead after three quarters. "In the first half, they missed a lot of shots and we caught a break," Waiters said. "With that team you cant make a lot of mistakes and we paid for it." Parker, playing his second game after sitting out six to heal up an assortment of injuries, scored seven points in 22 minutes.dddddddddddd Duncan also had only seven but both All-Stars were able to enjoy the final quarter on the bench. Whenever the Cavs got close, the Spurs simply ran their offence, and more times than not wound up making a 3-pointer to open some distance. "Thats a lot of fun," Manu Ginobili said. "That means everybody got involved and everybody enjoyed the game. Its great to be a part of that." Irvings three-point play late in the third pulled Cleveland to 76-65, but Mills made two 3-pointers and Diaw knocked down another 3 in the final 1:04 to put the Spurs ahead 85-68 entering the fourth. Greens 3-pointer made it 88-68, and his three-point play swelled the Spurs margin to 23 in the opening minute of the fourth. The Spurs started miserably, shooting just 5 of 21 and scoring only 13 points in a ragged first quarter. They seemed disinterested and the Cavs took advantage, opening a 12-point lead in the first minute of the second quarter. It didnt last long. San Antonio made those six straight 3s to open the second quarter, and the Spurs outscored the Cavs 37-17 in the period to take a 50-40 halftime lead. Mills triggered the turnaround by scoring 10 points in the quarter. "He got 10 points when we were struggling to make buckets," Ginobili said. The Cavaliers got Waiters back but still have some key parts missing. Cleveland centre Anderson Varejao was sidelined for the 11th straight game with a sore back, and swingman C.J. Miles sat out his seventh in a row with a sprained left ankle. NOTES: The Spurs improved the NBAs best road record to 23-8. ... Green played 20 games as a rookie with Cleveland in 2009-10, when Mike Brown was in the final season of his first stint as Cavs coach. Green was cut the following season, and released twice by San Antonio before landing a full-time gig with the Spurs. Brown has always pulled for Green. "Great guy," Brown said. "He worked his tail off to get where he is. I wouldnt wish anything besides luck for him, except when hes playing us. When he did start having some success -- because he didnt change as a person -- everybody that crossed paths with him has rooted for him." ... The Spurs have had a winning road record for 17 straight seasons, a league mark. ' ' '
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