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seee
Joined: 28 Dec 2015
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29 Jan 2016 05:27 |
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gets the wrong results
A recent study revealed a link between harsh verbal discipline shouting to you and me and increased conduct problems and depressive symptoms in teens.
In the study, as reported on NPR, researchers surveyed close to one thousand parents of 13 year olds. The parents UGG Boots On Sale were asked how often they had called their children harsh names, such as lazy or stupid, in the past year.
The children whose parents had admitted to using harsh verbal discipline were more likely to have consistent problems with anger and aggressive behavior and to display symptoms of depression one year later.
Causation has not been clearly established:
study couldn nail down if parental yelling was prompting the bad behavior, or if parents with difficult children are more likely to resort to shouting. it not hard to imagine why shouting and UGGS On Sale insulting isn an effective form of discipline for any child, let alone a teenager. In turn these children may interact similarly with their peers, parents, teachers, and coaches. better alternative, in an ideal world, is to stay supportive and calm:
best approach to encouraging positive behaviors in children and teens is twofold. First, parents need to practice what they preach. Secondly, parents need to create a structured and supportive environment for their kids. Such an environment includes clear rules, consequences and of course reinforcement through praise and continued encouragement. sounds easy, but, as any parent knows, humans are complicated creatures. And while I haven parented a teen yet, I been one. A really awful one.
The year I turned 13, I went from friendly, happy, eager to learn mama little girl to defiant, school skipping slacker and seeker of constant validation that I existed beyond my family.
My parents couldn control me. Short of chain me to my bedpost, I not sure what they could have done to rein me in. What they did do, amidst the fretting, was continue to love me. And one day, as fast as it began, my rebellion ended.
While I deserved to be told I was an idiot, no one ever did that. There were fights, for sure. I was told my behavior was unacceptable. But I was never told that I was unacceptable or UGG Boots On Sale unlovable.
Yelling happens. I yelled at my kids. I lost control of my anger more times than I can count. But I working on that. I never attacked their character. And I swear I never will.
I yelled yesterday first Cheap UGG Boots On Sale at my husband (in front of the kids) and then at my kids. It was bad and I still classic short sparkles ugg boots clearance feel terrible about it. I hardly ever yell, but I just was set off by what was, in retrospect, the stupidest thing. Later, when apologizing to my kids about the behavior and telling them that I shouldn have yelled, my 7 year old tells me what you really should have done was said, in a quiet voice to Daddy, didn really appreciate you doing that and I wish you would have consulted me first. Next time you decide to do something like this, please talk with me beforehand. You took something away from me that was important to me and now I am very sad and angry.' Then she told me that my yelling makes her scared and her brother, too, and that I should always try not to do it. I was so impressed with her counseling me on this. I will be better about yelling, except when they outside and it time for dinner (and that won be bad yelling, just yelling to try to find them type thing).
I was verbally abused as a teen by my mom, was called bitch, retarded, and others. I was not a difficult kid, I struggled with school. Sitting and doing homework after being confined all day was tough for me. Therefore my grades suffered, I was smart but school was not my strong point. I managed to pull off a b average when I graduated and I was able to get into college.
I never snuck out, drank, partied, or hooked up with guys. I did not swear or dress inappropriately, I am not sure how it would of been if I was a difficult kid. I suffered from depression in school and still do today. I used to self hurt when I was in high school and my value of myself was very little.
I am now nearly 30 and the hurt is still there and I struggle to let go and forgive my mom. I still find her manipulating, but she is more sly about it. I keep my space and wish things could be different but I can comment >My dad and I would get into all out screaming matches with each other. It part of the reason why I haven had a real conversation with him since I left for college, and why we haven spoken in 7 years. (Part other part is complicated.) He and my mother would have yelling matches, too. It wasn exactly verbal abuse, though I have no doubt that we insulted each other along the way. But yeah wasn exactly a happy household.
These days, I don yell at my husband. Sure, we fight, but we don yell at each other. Nor do I yell at the kidlet understands when Mommy upset, but he doesn have the capacity to change his behavior yet. I have started telling him what I expect, and what the consequences are if he doesn stop doing [whatever], and I do follow through with it. I don know if he actually understands me, but it does seem to work.
My husband yells at my boys, and my boys yells at me, the teacher and the kids in school. He says that the only way they will listen. He doesn think they listen when he talks. I can see now that my boys will end up like him. He says I too soft with them. I not a yeller like my hubby, but I do yell sometimes or up my tone. He says I need to follow through with consequences when they are out of order, and also they walk all over me.
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